What if Bella died in Breaking Dawn
by RedRossette
Summary: even thought i love the twilight books ever since i have read them i have wondered what edwards's life would have been like if bella had died in breaking dawn?
1. Chapter 1

What if Bella died in Breaking Dawn?

Days turned into weeks, but time meant nothing, nothing did. I had lost my one, my only love because of my selfish acts, because I was a fool. She died because of me, and now I have to live with the guilt.

"Edward? Son, Renesme is asking for you."

"I cant Carlisle, I can't look at her."

"Edward you did the best you could, there was nothing you did that I wouldn't have done."

"But it still wasn't enough, I should have known not to bring her into our world she was fragile and to me she was priceless. I shouldn't have been so selfish!"

"Edward! How could you blame yourself for what happened, I'm sorry son but your daughter needs you, don't forget she's lost her mum too."

I shook my head, I knew what he was saying was true but I didn't have enough strength left, to face the eyes of my daughter, of my love. The same beautiful engulfing chocolate pools which many times I have sought after in moments of darkness, now more than ever.

Carlisle sighed, "I cannot understand the pain you are going through, but I beg for you to join us soon, it's not the same without you." And with that he turned and headed for the door, although it was dark in the room he found the handle easily and I heard the latch click shut as it swung closed. I could hear whispers down stairs.

"What did he say?"

"He is not ready to join us. Alice you must understand he has lost the most important person in his life, could you even imagine losing Jasper? The hurt?"

I heard Alice's grip tighter to the lose fabric of Jasper's shirt, there was a long silence.

"No." I heard a whispered answer.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat for hours or days by myself, in my small room, I could hear life go on beneath and around me though I had no desire to join, no desire to do any of the things I loved, no desire to read, to play the piano, my desires lay on one thing and one thing only. The reoccurring pictures of my lost love, I played scenes of our existence together in my head lingering on every detail of her face, her mouth, her pale skin, her beautiful blush and her eyes they stared at me with anticipation and love for my soul which she continually promised I owned, she loved me the monster which she lost her life to. I remembered the first time I saw my beautiful face framed with her thick mahogany hair which gently twisted into lose curls, the first time I watched her sleep and how I felt when I heard her say my name through the thick veil of dreams, our first kiss, the day she saved me, our wedding day, our honeymoon, when I hurt her, when I left to protect her causing myself to go mad with grief and damaging her in the process, and of course the scene I wish with all my heart I could forget, the moment Bella leaned for the spilt cup of blood causing the placenta to detach, her last words

"Renesme. So beautiful."

Those words which I would never forget though wish that they held no pain for me.

I heard the light patter of feet coming up the stairs and pause outside my door. A faint tapping noise which would have been to quiet for a human to hear, something which Bella couldn't have heard. Thinking of her name brought on a new burning wave of grief and loss.

"Go away Alice!" I choked out angrily,

Even though I was sure that she would have heard the warning in my voice, the door opened.

"Daddy?" whispered a high soprano voice. I could smell the salty tears which ran freshly down her face.

"Daddy, I am so sorry," she choked" if it weren't for me you would be happy. If I had never have been born Mummy would be here. Because of me everyone is sad, I wish I could go back, I wish, I wish Mummy was here. Instead of me" her voice trailed out in to a whisper and I heard a sob build up in her throat.

Hearing the pained sobs coming from my daughter send my own grief rising to the surface, as my eyes stung with tears they could not shed. I gave in and let my fatherly instincts take over my actions, as I scooped up my beautifully unique little girl and let her sob on to my black shirt staining it with tears as I had done all those years ago with her mother, the stinging in my eyes grew and intensified ever time I spoke or thought her name.

Bella. My beautiful love, my beautiful wife, my beautiful mother for my child, my Bella which I planned to spend the rest of my existence with was gone, and I never got to say good bye, to give her one last kiss, to tell her how beautiful she was and how much I love her, I never got to do any. How cruel life can be, some say "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." I never understood what those people meant by this phrase till now, as even though the pain I feel now, I am still glad I met her. I am still glad we share our time together even if it was short lived because of my actions, because of my selfishness, because of me.


End file.
